Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Letting Yourself Fail

This last year life has truly changed for me in just about every way. I graduated high school, started a new job, started dating the love of my life, and had my circle of friends drastically change. I was also diagnosed with Lyme Disease and with that I've had to reevaluate my outlook on life. Ever since I was young, I've always been very strict with my self, especially when it came to my health and fitness. I'll admit I had times where I was a bit obsessive and it was more about how I looked vs. taking care of myself and caring for my body. I would never miss a single day of working out even if I was sick, and was very very strict on what I ate.

 But then within the last year my migraines and headaches become worse and more frequent, I became so tired and unmotivated and everything started to fall apart. Everything felt like such a big task and my already struggle with anxiety and depression became worse, which meant my obsession with having everything perfect was not maintained and that made me even more depressed and stressed.
With time though I've learned to let go a little bit and be okay with what might be imperfections. I gained a considerable amount of weight and I don't keep things in order like I used too. This was very hard at first, but I've learned that taking care of yourself is always number one and you need to listen to your body. I got sick this week and am currently sitting in my bed at 11:00 pm and eating my favorite bad treat (chocolate covered sunflower seeds) and am not stressing out that I haven't worked out in a week, or that I haven't eaten perfectly. I'm just thankful that I'm able to take the time to let myself heal. I hate having this body that feels so broken sometimes and with my health being so poor it can get very frustrating, but there is always a lesson and blessing that can be found. I think one blessing I may find through this is to simply learn to Let Go, and to love myself where I am and not where I could be in a few weeks or next year. We are all beautiful miracles everyday!

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